Surgery Eve

Source: Martha Dominguez de Gouveia, Unsplash

I am not sure if it’s the surgery that doesn’t scare me or simply that I don’t have time to invest in feeling that emotion right now. There’s too much to do. Maybe it’s because I’ve had surgery before and know what to expect? Or maybe it’s because I don’t really have a choice in the matter so it isn’t worth getting emotionally worked up about something I can’t change. It’s probably a combination of both.

This experience so far has involved a lot of preparation. There have been lots of pamphlets, instruction manuals, and videos to help me along the way. This plus the unfortunate reality that I am going to need to drink that awful bowel prep drink again is enough to put me into “just handle it” mode.

I just hope that this makes the pain go away. It wasn’t until I stopped taking ibuprofen for the surgery that I realized how much it was helping with the discomfort and inflammation. The last two days have been pretty rough so if tomorrow in any way helps alleviate that then it will have been worth it. I’ve even been having dreams about getting my diseased colon removed and suddenly getting my energy back again. I hope more than anything that this gives me some sense of normal again. I know my liver has some serious issues but I can manage that, especially knowing that we’ve eliminated a big part of what got me into this mess.

Surgery tomorrow represents a next step, aggressive action, and a path to healing. Fear is the last thing on my mind when all I can see is hope.

-Brynn