Community

Source: Cody Chan, Unsplash

I always kind of knew I had a big community of people in my life but it wasn’t until the surgery that the power of this global group of people has really set in. Every day I have received an outpouring of love and support from friends, family, and even strangers and it has been fueling my recovery.

The doctors have told me to rest and take each day for what it is. So as each day goes by my focus of course, has been on hitting my medical milestones, but the outpouring of love has given me a sense of positivity and calm that I never knew I had. This hasn’t been easy, but I would also say that it hasn’t been something I have been able to manage. I would say the first two days were the hardest largely because my body has been adjusting to the change, and with any change comes a lot of shit (literally). I passed blood in the middle of the night on day 3 and had a mild scare but was quickly reassured by the nurse that everything happening to me was completely normal for my kind of surgery. I’ve watched myself move from a liquid only diet to solids, and my daily hallway walks have progressed from 4 walks on day 1 to 6 long walks yesterday.

I can’t emphasize enough how much the support from everyone has helped me. I’ve had so many friends come to visit and I believe it brought a sense of levity and humor to the situation that has helped me heal. When I felt tired I laid my head down. When I needed to walk I pulled an arm and went for a lap or two around the hospital floor. Everyone who can’t physically here has been so supportive by sending positive vibes and love to Troy and I, so much so, that my mindset has shifted from one based in fear to one knowing that I can do this and I can do anything.

The tests aren’t scary and the daily needle pokes have stopped hurting. It’s just information that my doctors need to heal me. A common theme in a lot of people’s encouragement to me is that I am tough as nails and they know I am going to fight this. I know I am tough mostly because this has been the shell that has helped me find the resiliency and strength that has taken me throughout my career. However, the lesson I continue to learn from leaning on my friends, family, and community is that sometimes the way to heal isn’t through toughness and fighting. It’s through vulnerability, honesty, openness, and love.

Every day has been a test of my will but it’s not scary, it just is. My oncologist came to visit me yesterday and told me that he was currently treating 20 women under 40 who fit my profile which continues to sit with me. Coincidentally one of the women who connected with me on Instagram also shares my doctor. She is 39 and was diagnosed 3 years ago with stage 4 colon cancer yet I also see this vibrant, beautiful woman who day before yesterday did chemo and walked a charity fashion show yesterday.

I know I can do this and my community of support reminds me of this daily. I want to be the woman that doesn’t fight but is focused on healing and light. As light pours in I take it with open arms and each day it becomes easier and easier to be less scared and more hopeful about the days, months, and years to come.

- Brynn