So much for the botox.

It sounds too trivial when I really think about it.

I’m the woman who fully owns her botox habit, makes jokes about it, and frequently shows off my wrinkle free forehead to my girlfriends and sings the praises of modern medicine. Now it feels superficial and pointless. It’s not pointless because I have this pending sense of doom but more that I am inviting a toxin into my body when the only thing I want to do is rid myself of as much as I can while I can heal.

I don’t know how I am going to react to chemo. I’ve talked to a few people who have said I may or may not lose my hair. I’ve talked to others who have told me to remove all non-organic foods, meat, and dairy from my diet. The last thing I thought about was my skincare until a good friend reminded me that my skin was my largest organ and it absorbs everything. So part of this journey is going to involve embracing a new way of living and treating my body.

Part of the process is going to need to involve reframing my thinking and making this less about giving up but more about embracing new. Embracing new ways of thinking about the products I put on my body, the foods I put in my mouth, and the mantras I tell myself in times that are good and bad. I know this is going to be a weird and wild ride, I am expecting pain, but I also have hope that I am capable of finding opportunities to thrive when there appear to be none.

-Brynn