Preparing for the unknown.
Source: Ugne Vasyliute, Unsplash
Troy thinks I am going insane. Wait… I should probably rephrase that. Troy already thinks I am insane so maybe it’s a slightly busier focused version of insane. We’ll call it purposefully insane. I’ve basically spent the last few days running around my house like Jon Snow preparing for the white walkers to invade Winterfell. You’d think that food prep would be easy but we’re notorious for not keeping 2 days worth of food in the house so it’s forced me to rethink how I stock things and plan meals.
One of the decisions I made after the cancer diagnosis was to do a complete overhaul of my diet because everything I have been reading seems to indicate that plant based whole foods are the healthiest path forward for anyone going through chemotherapy. I’m embracing this opportunity but it has also involved a lot of preparation to ensure that my kitchen is ready to support this. That means I have to think about a lot of variables before I even start to cook.
Every cookbook has a different set of tools and guidelines. What I’ve been focused on is marrying up what I know I have in the house with what I think I am going to need in the future. This has also meant feeding my Amazon, Whole Foods, and Prime Now addictions a bit more than I normally would to get adequately stocked up (sorry Troy!). But the plan is forming and the list is growing. Here’s what I’ve got so far:
Even my dog is judging me.
A lot of bulk foods (nuts, seeds, whole grains, spices) that store well and can be used for a lot of different recipes.
Storage to make getting what I need easy and fast.
Tools to ensure I have a variety in how I am consuming all of this stuff (food processor, blender, juicer).
Menu planning for the week to ensure I am minimizing waste.
Cooking days. Right now this is an aspirational goal but I know once I start chemo this is going to really matter because I am going to need pre-made foods on days when I am in treatment.
Designing weekly meal plans (there will be a future Google sheet).
This experience has been like tackling anything in life; just one step at a time. What I am realizing more and more is that there is no good instruction manual out there for how to take control of your nutrition and rearchitect your life. It’s not for a lack of options either. What I am finding is that there are so many options, guides, opinions, and resources out there for food that clarity for me had to come from a very personal place. When it comes to food I’m not going to stick to one cookbook or food plan. I will consult a nutritionist to confirm I am getting the nutrients I need but I plan to take the best from all of these books and incorporate it into something that keeps me happy and challenged. Given that my #1 job right now is to heal, what a better way to spend that time than to learn new recipes, enjoy new experiences, and share.
I’m also learning that cancer doesn’t have a straight forward path. What works for one person’s cancer might not work for another. One person’s side effects might be different from another. Every medical professional told me to stay off the Internet when I was diagnosed. Being me the first thing I did was go online because I wanted to see my odds and according to the Internet they aren’t good. First of all, why the hell is a 5 year survival rate even a thing? Does that mean everyone dies within 5 years? There’s only a 14% chance survival rate with colon cancer?!?!?! I can see now why it would freak people out and leave people in my position feeling completely demoralized. But I’m not.
I’m hopeful because I know my work here isn’t done. I feel optimistic about going through chemo because I know that side effects aside the medication is going to help me on this healing journey. I’m feeling blessed because I have an amazing support system of people around me who want to help and want to give my husband and I as much support as they can. I’m feeling inspired by the opportunity to learn more about health and nutrition than I think I would have ever done had I not been in this situation. For me nutrition, love, and life have a lot in common. All can be confusing at times and often frustrating when you don’t think you are on the right path, but it’s the path itself that leads to growth and fulfillment. When I was in college I poured over Rainier Maria Rilke’s poems, mostly because I fancied myself a hopeless romantic, but also because I enjoyed his writing. One poem in particular reminds me of my life over the last few weeks:
“Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day.”
-Brynn