The Helping Hand
Source: Jametlene, unsplash
It is said that one’s true value is measurable by strength in their friendship and community. If that’s the case, then Brynn and I are the wealthiest people alive. Since Brynn going public about her diagnosis, she has had an amazing out pour of love and support. This is a testament to her as a person, of course. I’ve been also very fortunate with people thinking about me, and realizing I am going to need support as well.
As we’re embarking on this journey, we’ve had everyone offering their support and help. And it’s more comforting than you know, regardless of whether we take advantage of it or not at this time. The reality is I have never felt so helpless in my life being so close to this. This is not something I can magically solve, even though my intuition says to try. When people ask me what they can help with, I don’t know where to even begin… All I can think of is reaching in there and beating the shit out of the cancer. I have not gotten past that stage. Anything beyond is tbd. The issue is that we don’t know what we don’t know at this point, and what is going to entail as we go through it.
However, this still got me thinking about support from our friends and family, and I recalled something I had written many moons ago that chronicled an experience during a training session when I was in shape for Ironmans. I’ve posted the write-up below as it was worth revisiting for me to formulate a strategy and develop a frame of mind. It was about the support of your community and what it means as one goes through the ups and downs of life - I thought it was appropriate.
Brynn and I are entering a new chapter in our lives where there are too many unknowns, and things we can’t control. Anyone who knows us well will also agree we’re now playing in an arena that is taking us out of our comfort zone. Both Brynn and I have been fiercely independent all of our lives, and perhaps even struggled asking for help when needing it the most. But the reality is that both Brynn and I are going to need to lean on our friends and family for emotional as well as day-to-day support occasionally. There are going to be bad days, worse day, good days, and amazing days. But we’re realistic to know the next however months or years are going to be a roller coaster ride, and it’s our community that will end up smoothing those peaks and valleys as we go through the experience.
The help that has been the most useful for the time being is knowing we have this amazing support around us. We are thankful of that every day of the week, and did not need an event like this to realize it. We’re also very aware the support we’re going to be needing will evolve as we progress along with her treatment. Brynn can chime in here, but in our current stage, introductions to people who are familiar with colon cancer or have gone or are going through the experience has been tremendously helpful. Books, articles about diet, supplemental therapy treatments are also great. As we unpack this thing, setting and managing expectation has become important for us. We’d also love for our friends to come over and cook creative meals with us - that is just simply good times.
My energy is going to be spent providing the most stable environment for Brynn to thrive in. And I am very aware I am going to need to manage the stress that will be coming my way, in addition to the daily life. That means, I may need to blow off steam from time to time as well. Friends, I do enjoy a glass or two of Pinot, as it’s well documented. But I may need to be nudged to prioritize.
-Troy
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I woke up this morning at 5:15am to begin my day with a swim workout at Aquatic Park. This is a cove in the San Francisco Bay that many swimmers use for open water training. It was just another SF summer morning - overcast skies with a cool temperature in the upper 50s. I met up with my friend and Ironman training buddy, Warren, at 6am to do our perimeter swim around Aquatic Park. The water looked particularly placid this morning, and as we entered, it also felt quite pleasant, temperature wise. Now, for people who have swam in the bay before, a temperature of 60 degrees will feel like bath water; it's this skewed reality we have living and training in this wonderful city.
As we headed east to begin our loop, we passed the buoy that we take a left at and started swimming towards the outside perimeter of the cove. Now, I'm traditionally a very slow swimmer, compared to some of the athletes training in these waters. But today, I felt particularly slow. Was I just tired from months of training? Or was I having an off day, which is not much different than an "on" day, truth be told. Warren, on the other hand, was a collegiate swimmer, and probably one of the finest open water was powering against what turns out to be one of the strongest currents we've both experienced swimming in the bay. After a long struggle, I realized I was just not progressing forward. Warren ended up coming back, probably close to the area where he left me at the beginning, and perhaps was wondering if I was just looking for something in the murky water. But the reality was, no matter how much I was trying, I just wasn't moving forward. It was at this point that I wanted to give up and head back in, which Warren responded "we could do that... or I could create a draft pocket for you, and we could get through this rough spot together towards the area where currents are not as strong." Throughout this time training for Ironmans, I realized that I have been in this predicament many times before; thinking that I could not go on, as the pain and doubt takes over. But, I discovered that we all possess a drive that makes us not give up in the face of adversity, combined with the support coming from wonderful friends around us. I've been fortunate enough to train with amazing people who have supported one another in times of need that goes beyond the training grounds. And with that, I was able to remove the doubt from my mind, and simply responded "lead the way!"
We swam together for about 5 minutes, where I drafted off Warren, clearing through the currents where they were the strongest, into a calmer body of water where he ended up taking off once he knew I’d have the rest covered. Since I started swimming the perimeter at Aquatic Park about a month ago, I begin to experience this peaceful feeling during my swim workouts. It's that place you go when you forget about the workout itself and are happy to just be. It's perhaps a sense of freedom you get breaking away from the regular swim lines into the big blue - ok, green - bay of unknown. I finally ended up reaching Warren and his new friend, Sammy the Seal, past the outer perimeter buoy as we cleared the jetty lines into the wide-open bay. To our surprise, the currents that tried to prevent us from reaching this point decided that it was enough for today's lesson for now, and left us alone to enjoy the beautiful views that makes us all fall in love with this city over and over again. As the three of us floated out there taking in the natural beauty with a slight human touch, the magical Golden Gate Bridge started peeking out under the dense fog as it was giving in to the sunshine and clear skies breaking through the clouds. You couldn't help but gaze with a sense of wonderment, and revitalize your love for the city, as we get to experience it in a different way than most.
After a delightful break, we continued on with our long, arduous swim back against the currents towards the shore to complete the loop. During this time, I began drifting back in to my thoughts about life. I wondered if I would've enjoyed today's views, or experienced that peacefulness if it wasn't such a struggle getting out there? Do we always need to fall and get ourselves back up in order to appreciate the end results more? I realized that I am always going to go through rough patches in this long journey of life, only to rediscover the beauty of the world and life itself. And perhaps the secret is to know that the rough patches are just part of the overall experience, and not an obstacle. Whatever it might be, I find comfort in knowing no matter where I am, I have great friends who will always be there to create a draft pocket when I need it the most.
Here's to all my friends who have created draft pockets throughout the years as I swim through my journey.
Cheers to you all!